Uncle Leon's bio

I had a few comments on my last post about Uncle Leon that were too dicey to be posted in the comment section. Many of the comments were directed towards Uncle Leon's sexual preference and one was directed towards what Uncle Leon would do to some of the "housewives of Spring Hill".

While the comments were well written and superbly accurate. Some were directed at "real people". In trying to follow policy here, I could not release those comments for public viewing. The comments were however, interesting and most probably accurate.

I can assure you that Uncle Leon is very real.

Someone asked IF Uncle Leon would be willing to relocate for a possible job opportunity? My honest opinion is that Leon is not employable. He might show up for a while, but Leon tends to march to his own beat.

Uncle Leon has done a stretch or three for various reasons. A couple of DUI's. And night hunting. He got pulled over for an illegal exhaust on his truck and the cops found some illegal substances in his ride.

At one point years ago Leon claimed that Evil Knievel was training him to be a daredevil. Of course, now that Evil endo'ed into the great snake-pit jump in the sky, training was cancelled.

Uncle Leon likes women. He loves cougar's. He considers himself to be somewhat of an authority on pleasing women. He is one of those guys that would try duke your wife is given the right circumstances.

He DOES have a mullet. He has had it as long as I can remember. He IS proud of it. He thinks people without mullet's put themselves at a disadvantage when attracting cougar's.

Uncle Leon has an odd way of inspiring people though. He is one of those guys that can talk you into doing things that you know you shouldn't be doing. Like this. And this.

I was looking forward to catching up with Uncle Leon on Thanksgiving and seeing what he has been up to. But Uncle Leon was strangely absent. I couldn't get much info as to his whereabouts.

I had to wait until the everyone was well lubricated to get the scoop. Word is Uncle Leon had recently been spending time on the outskirts of D-town immersing himself in the underground world of high stakes horseshoe tournaments. I remember hearing about this when I was a kid. Horseshoe throwin' in D-town is alot like these dogfighting circles you hear about. Lots of shady dudes and questionable conduct being exhibited.

So i'll do my best to track down Leon and keep you peeps updated.

Thanksgiving in D-town

Thought this picture from last Thanksgiving sums it up perfectly.

That's my grandmother spitting out her dentures after thinking the warm Pabst BR she just shotgunned was her diet sprite. I tried to tell her.

That is my uncle Leon with the elvis comb back giving me the evil eye. He is still trying to comprehend why Auntie Dot (in the fly-ass orange jumpsuit) is drinking Gibley's gin (straight) at 8:30 in the morning.

Uncle Leon likes diesel trucks and kine bud. He IS NOT currently employed. I think, however, he DID vote for Obama. He says the new President told him not to worry about paying on his mortgage anymore. That it would be all taken care of.

Thanksgiving is going to kick azz this year.

A flurry of thoughts

Riding mountain bikes in the cold is SO MUCH more fun than roadbikes in the cold....riding in the cold sucks when you forget full finger gloves....helmet mounted lights get heavy as hell after an hour or so of riding in the woods....selling bikes parts on bike forums is so much nicer (and easier) than having to give up a percentage to flea-bay....roadies have no problemo paying a premium for quality-used-road bike fluff....i had forgotten how much fun the buying process is when building a custom bike....custom paint on titanium is FUCKING EXPENSIVE....chris king now makes a GREEN bottom bracket that is a MUST HAVE....GREEN is my new favorite color....did you know that chris king makes a GREEN headset....I hear Somerville is nice this time of year....2 new bike shops have opened in the area, and YOU thought the economy was bad....sometimes less is more....I bet northeast kansas has record low temps in two weeks....or record high temps....I am not paying $40 for peanut oil to fry a turkey in next week....a bottle of 33 yr old Balvenie lives in southeast AL....if that is true, the deer are safe the morning after Thanksgiving....Harlan ain't scared....Dat Bike and Poon are scared....me thinks his new team made him stop blogging....nothing ever changes....nothing

JACKED

I can say this. I've got a WHOLE LOT more respect for the guys that run fully rigid these days.

I did a slightly longer than normal excursion, on a substantially rougher loop this past weekend.

Legs felt decent.

Lungs felt bad as usual.

What I didn't expect was the pounding I took. I have been more concerned with the lack of rear suspension and how that hammers my silly putty back.

What I came away with was how much more beat up my arms and shoulders were. To be honest, I have been running more tire pressure since my burp...buck...bang...bust ass session from a few weeks ago.

Oddly my back has been okay. Can't say why. Hopefully saddle time has helped.

So now I am wondering if I should slap a squish fork in TI-t-ss. I really hate to do this because the loop I rode this weekend had lots of ups and you can really grunt up those pitches quickly without suspension bob.

On the other hand, for a 6 or 12 hour event, I'm thinking that more plush over time trumps more speed at the cost of comfort.

Nice video

Check this out.





It is at the very end of the video but start paying attention at about the 8:14 mark.





http://vimeo.com/2070975

OWWWWWW.........

Turning man into machines

Is anyone else concerned about the way people communicate with each other these days?

Remember when people actually used home phones? Hell my own mother got rid of her home phone a year ago. Just uses her cell phone these days.

With the advent of the internet came e-mail. I, of course resisted e-mail in the work environment until someone convinced me that e-mail was secure and that Abdul across the street at the pack-n-sack was not reviewing my prices for the next big job.

Now you have myspace, facebook, and other various online messaging platforms to make it easier than ever to communicate with your peeps.

Of course now that text messaging has been with us for awhile, it is another form of anti-face to face communication.

While texting is convienient to let someone know you might be late at the trailhead or for letting your buddy know that his beloved Auburn team sux ballz.

Having said that, holding conversations while texting is a moronic way to exist.

I had a realtor try to negotiate a deal for me while texting. I've pulled some stupid ass moves in my day but if i'm shellin out major coin to buy some land, for god sakes CALL me......ok?

When reviewing my daughters cell phone bill I was NOT amazed to see that she had a total of 9 calls where she actually talked. I won't tell you how many text messages she performed.

I am the only person that get's annoyed when you go out to dinner and people sit there texting back and forth while trying to eat?

Hell, I know one person who argue's with you via texting. I got chewed out while driving down the road and I didn't SAY a word. It was the damnedest thing I had ever seen (or heard or read?).

So the next time you decide to to text sugarpants and let her know how much you miss her......try sacking up and calling......maybe she won't think your such a douchebag.

FIRE SALE

I have been on a freaking roll lately selling stuff.

I've ditched two mountain bike frames, a fox suspension fork, a set of crossmax mtb wheels, a set mtb wheels with king hubs, a 3 generations old grouppo of xtr stuff. Some of that thru flea-bay and some of it thru various online forums, some carbon bits and USED tires have gone recently as well. I have way too many old mtb tires but you wouldn't believe that some of the old shit brings more than the new shit from all the old school mtb retro grouches.

Next Next up, a custom Parlee Z3C frame and fork!

I won't tell you how much I paid for that bitch. And I haven't figured out how much I want for it yet. I bet it does not have 500 miles on it. It's bad when you buy a bike that is too nice to ride.

But you can rest assured that no roadie boob around here wants it. They all want madones and tarmacs. Hot shit I tell ya. Just ask Dat Bike.

You may ask yourself what the assassin is going to do with all this coin????

I want a Regulator 32, my wife wants a sailboat, i want a new rifle (time to stock up on weapons and ammo,so i've been told), wife wants a new sofa, i want a new big phat 52" tv, honey buns wants new carpet.......and on.

Which leads me to wants vs. needs.

I don't need any of the crap I just mentioned. With the robust economy we are in right now it probably ain't the right time to be buying that big ticket item.

I didn't need the lot "we" just bought. Too late now! I'm hoping land will hold value better than my IRA but I just read where home value's are at a 5 year low......sweet.

I also didn't need the custom ti funky bend bars that I ordered last week, but I ordered them anyway.

The way I have it figured, the capital gain taxes are about to go thru the ROOF!

BURP!

Stan's sealant is a great thing.

Or so I thought.

As my wife likes to say of me, you always try to push things beyond what they were designed to do.

I probably should have know better than to push a product that was designed in the basement of the science building beyond what reasonable people would call enough.

I have been constantly lowering the air pressure of the big, cushy WTB's, in an effort to find the holy grail of bike handling perfection. To spare those who don't understand the physics of it all, I have softened the tire pressure to the point of making the bike feel like it has minimal suspension. It is a fine line because too much pressure lost blows the handling of the bike and makes turning sloppy, and/or slows rolling resistance.

Too much pressure and you might as well run tubes and take the weight hit.

I have narrowed the range of psi perfection down to somewhere between 18 and 22 psi based on the dynamics of the trail that I happen to be testing on.

At 18psi, a rooty trail becomes pretty smooth but I can feel the rear tire pinching on the rim. Of course, without a tube to hassle with it, snakebites are not an issue. It IS however slightly unnerving to feel it when it happens.

On a smoother layout....22 or more psi is the feel good/more efficient zone.

I should have left well enough alone.

But hell no...I decided to drop it down to 15 psi in the front. I knew right away that was toooooo low. But i kept going. Fast forward to a slight dip to compress the front enough to allow that bitch to burp, catch enough debris between tire and rim to eliminate any chance of resealing quickly, throw a slight high speed turn immediately following the burp.....and INSTANT AUGER. This all happened in about .5 of a second. I'mm talking about busted my AZZZZZZ.

To make matters worse, the first thing that hits the ground is my medically repaired elbow.

I have heard that you need to replace/redo the sealant procedure ocassionally. I am not sure how often though.

Does anyone know?

Another local team?????

I was caught off guard this week.

Seriously.

In my recent quest to just ride the bike...I have become anti affiliated with anything that resembles a "team" of cyclists (other than someone who offers up a post ride brew).

Then I hear some dudes rumbling about another local cycling organization/club/team/yahoo group/blah blah blah.

It's the same start up talk too....let's get jerseys, do a race, have a team, do a website, etc.

Off the top of my head I can think of 5 or 6 local "teams" that populate Mobile and Baldwin counties. Each of these teams have their pro's and con's.

I, for one, am going to pass on it though.

Any more feelings of righteous indignation by local groups and all that goes with it will likely send me off on a killing spree of epic proportions.

A 29er primer

A few observations after 200 or so miles with Ti-t-SS. (in rambling style)

...ALWAYS take the outside line to keep big MO up...STAND UP every one in a while (a 26" full sus bike will make you very lazy)...you ain't beating me up a SHORT, steep incline with your bike if you have suspension...going against conventional wisdom, go with shorter cranks and wider bars (yeah I know, longer cranks give you more leverage....bullshit)...keep pedaling, even when you think you don't need to...inner tubes are worthless in 29" wheels, stan's em' and take advantage of the larger tire contact area...run a smaller gear than you think you'll need...get some handlebars with a fucked up bend, they'll make you faster...Don't ride in the dark by yourself, I have seen bigfoot twice in the woods(or a methhead) and i'm still recovering...don't wear your roadie club jersey in the woods, you look and act like a douche...don't let dat bike work on your shit...oh yeah, drink Pabst Blue Ribbon, it tastes great, AND it makes you faster.

I miss big Eddie

Man I miss big Eddie. Someone called me the other day and asked if big Eddie was in jail, out of jail, or what.

I have not heard where big E is......most likely in some swanky federal lockup somewhere running some kind of scam. I bet he has a sweet gig for sure.

My 5 year old wants to be spiderman for halloween AGAIN. I think I am going to dress him up like big Ed.

Quote of the year

"Not drinking is the Single Speed World Championships version of doping"

--Jackie Phelan

zombies

"People as individuals, I like them, but as a crowd they are like a monster without a head that can be prodded in any direction" ~ Charles Chaplin in Limelight

You hear of it constantly.

Some of the most enlightening and entertaining moments of my day are reading up on the musings of cyclists.

It used to be about the bike. Now it is about the group that rides the bike.

How fast....how far....how much....how long and how can we disagree???

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I busted my ass the other day in the woods, riding by myself. JRA...well almost.

The cause???....bunny-hopping laydown on TI-t-SS......didn't come close to clearing it either.

It was great. Laying on the ground moaning like a douchebag. I could only laugh at myself.

HOLY SHEEET

This is the cover girl on the latest Colorado Cyclist catalogue.

She is sprinkled throughout the pages and to be honest, she inspires me.

I'm married and all but this chicka has it going on. Serious eye-candy.

I bet a dollar to a burrito she could drop anyone who reads the piece of shit blog.

Cause you KNOW she rides.

DAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMN

CROCK RACING

Check it out....a $220 jersey.....want one?????



Someone must be trying to fund a new blood transfusion machine that will fit in the back of the escalade.


If I see you wearing one, be prepared to defend yourself.

TI-t-ss report

TI-t-SS and I made 3 laps at South this weekend for the initial shakedown. Close to 30 miles total.

Set-up as follows....33 x 19 gear (I know, didn't feel like changing to an 18, ......sue me)

I left the meaty 2.5 wtb tire on the front to soften her up. Pressure at 25 on both ends.

This frame has a lot shorter wheelbase than the vassago. So it moves around quicker. Especially going up. Rear tire sticks.

I'd guess this thing weighs 20 lbs. Maybe less. It's a noticeably lighter feeling bike underneath you.

I won't go into the over hyped "titanium ride quality thing". If you have ridden a ti frame on a roadbike you know what I mean. They feel different. Ti road frames feel mushy to me. Comfy, but mushy.

I had a feeling that a Ti mtb frame would feel soft as well. I was wrong. Wrong in a good way. I was surprised at the suppleness but that could be the big 2.5 front tire. The frame tracked exactly where it was supposed to and without any surprises. It definitely stuck better in loose over, flat turns. It held up well to out of saddle efforts, ie. no wheel rub or disc rub.

It might be the perfect 12 or 24 hr. solo type machine. If I actually commit to doing an endurance event I might put a squish fork on it but i'll have to see how it feels with 2.25 racing ralph's on both ends. They could change the "stiffness" factor quite a bit.

But all in all.....a nice change from other 29'er frame. They are completely different clown bikes.

Steel might be real....but TI-t-SS taste better.

Meet TI-t-SS

My long term plan was to take my time and build up a dope-ass titanium ss/29'er.

It takes a while to compile said dope ass components (via ebay) due to the surging popularity of the ss/29'er scene.

While I have been fairly successful in sniping a few obligatory parts, some have been hard to come by.

I caught the white industries ss cranks and missed the right colored sprocket.....blah, blah, blah.

But it was no big deal because I knew I had a few more weeks of downtime due to my supposedly healing arm. I figured I had time to round up the required pimp parts.

The other day I get a call and the confederate era doctor wants to do ANOTHER surgery this coming Monday.

FUCKING MONDAY.

So I made a business decision to put the bike together and at least try to ride this weekend cuz doc says multiple weeks in a cast we be required after this surgery.

So TI-t-SS is built. TI-t-SS will get on the dirt at some point this weekend. It might be a while till she gets out of the stable again.

So, meet TI-t-SS

rigid....again?????

I am at the crossroads again.



I still have a yet to be determined release date from doc johnson on when I can actually pedal a bike again.....he said "might be a week, might be a month."

In anticipation of that loosely worded promise from him, I have been giving alot of thought to how the new whip will be set up.


My last foray into the single speed (ss) big wheel (29'er) world WAS fully rigid. The obvious benefit to that set up was climbing efficiency. Problem is/was a few things.



1. There ain't alot of sustained climbing around here.

2. I don't plan on racing so who cares about efficiency.

3. I'm 40 and it might be time to think about comfort over speed.

4. I suck at climbing....but I can catch on descents.

5. To me, front suspension isn't near as critical as rear suspension to my
achey breaky back and constant ass pounding.

SO what to do????

1. 1. 29'er wheels have built in suspension due to the large volume tires..right? That should make it feel as if some suspension were present....



2. Slap a thud buster seatpost on....eehhh.....nevermind.



3. Quit being a pussy and deal with it.



4. Buy a new frame...yeah....a TITANIUM FRAME.....YEAH....cuz ti rides like a shimmed, velvet lined cooter......



5. Fuck it.....i'm gettin a new frame......anybody want a deal on an 07 vassago jabberwocky, 16" with a custom black powdercoat job????

DEEZ NUTZ

Just so we are clear.

I am leaving the older ramblings up so the independent thinkers can survey them and draw their own conclusions as to what this blog is about.

I intend on moving this literary masterpiece in a different direction.

For the record, I am a SMART ASS.

I WILL write things that SOME won’t like at all.

If you feel compelled to get mad and want to fight about it. So be it. I ain’t fucking scared, not one fucking bit.

I have a lot to lose but I ain’t loosing sleep over some local douchebag that does not agree with what I write about on MY piece of shit blog.

And it will be a piece of shit blog…so go ahead and say it.

I will do my best to keep the comments as un-moderated as possible. JUST DON’T CALL OUT ANYBODY BY THEIR NAME. Unless they did something good.

I ain’t interested in any fucked up, local road bike politics.

I don’t ride road bikes anymore for a variety of reasons such as: roadies in Mobile cry more than my 5 year old after an ass whuppin', the roadies can't agree on shit, a bunch of people have been hit and several killed. And mother fuckin motorists in Mobile, AL can’t drive.

I prefer the serenity and vibe of the off road scene anyway.

So if you don’t like it…..STOP NOW

oN tHe HoRiZoN

I'm thinking about cranking this bitch up again. I think enough time has passed (i.e. I have not ridden my road bike in a year) that I owe it to all the TAKERS out there to hit the resume button.