WHINING BITCHES

Predictor-Lotto to sue Vino and Astana

The Predictor-Lotto ProTour team is planning on filing a claim against Alexandre Vinokourov and his Astana team for loss of publicity. The Kazakh rider won the Stage 13 time trial before testing positive for blood doping, taking away victory from Predictor-Lotto's Cadel Evans who finished second on the stage and currently holds second on general classification. If Vinokourov is found guilty and disqualified from the race, Evans will be declared the winner of the stage, however will obviously have missed the publicity benefits associated with a stage victory in the prestigious race.

Source: Cycling News

So Cadel's team is going to SUE Vino and Astana huh?

Answer me this........

How in the hell are you going to sue a team funded by the Kazakh government?

Oh....and the Kazakh's like goats.....

Because animal husbandry was central to the Kazaks' traditional lifestyle, most of their nomadic practices and customs relate in some way to livestock. Traditional curses and blessings invoked disease or fecundity among animals, and good manners required that a person ask first about the health of a man's livestock when greeting him and only afterward inquire about the human aspects of his life.

Source: From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

And I don't think the Kazakh goat farmers nor their government would be exactly flush with cash. So I wouldn't piss them off.

As for Vino.......good luck even locating him.......he'll be in Afghanistan fluffing the Taliban in a few days.

Another chump bites the dust

"It's always dopage, dopage, dopage in the newspapers. It never stops. You think they would learn their lesson."
---Astana's Vinokourov
Source: Velonews 7-9-07

I am not going to say much about this other than he won't be the last in this tdf to get busted.


Great quote from Millar.........David Millar was the first rider to react to the news: "Jesus Christ - there you go, that's my quote," he blurted out. "What timing, huh? This is just fucking great."


and

"The irony here is that I was hoping to make an announcement today about my future plans," Millar said, likely referring to rumors that next year he will ride for Slipstream Sports, the strict anti-doping squad run by Jonathan Vaughters.
"I have some projects in the works. I am hoping to work with young riders, to show them that you don't have to dope to succeed."
Millar broke down into tears when he was asked by British journalist Jeremy Whittle if he was all right, saying, "I just feel like crying right now."

Yeah.......right........NEXT

Hey...ya'll have any french toast left????

Wonder what these cats are looking for?

MY GOD.....someone help this man

No....this is NOT Nicole Ritchey after a month long H bender.


This is the TDF leader.


This is the CHICKEN.


And the Chicken ain't looking so good.


Apparently this poor chap is putting in such massive efforts during the daily stages that he goes to sleep as soon as his team gets to the hotel...... and his teammates forget to wake him up for dinner.



If anyone knows the director sportif for Rabobank.....you need to call him and tell him to feed the chicken.

A SIDENOTE..........hmmmmmmm
(maybe the chicken is feeding himself)

Tour de France leader Michael Rasmussen has been axed from the Danish national team and told he will not take part in either the world championships or the Olympics following a drugs-testing row, it was announced on Thursday.
The director of the Danish Cycling Union (DCU) Jesper Worre told DR1 television station that Rasmussen had received a number of warnings about failing to inform doping authorities of his whereabouts during training.
“We consider this case with great seriousness, and the executive of the DCU decided that Michael will no longer be part of the national team and he was informed of this on June 26,” said Worre.
“The DCU is not saying that Michael tested positive. But there are question marks over his behavior and attitude.”
Source: velonews.com

I rode with the Disco team

Not the most flattering picture of me but when you get a chance to ride with the Disco boys.....you gotta let the world know.

(click on the link for footage)

ROCK ON!

http://www.discodreamride.com/1184852054-a7f38

Controlling The Ride......Iron Curtain Style

A few weeks ago.....while on sabbatical from the Mobile cycling scene.....the assassin and his scotch connoisseur buddies decided to experience another regionally renowned "group ride."



Without naming exactly "who's" ride we participated in (cuz this blogger has been advised by his legal team to keep his posts PURELY FICTIONAL). I will let cha know "where" this ride took place.



The ride was in the beautiful Destin, FL area......and riding in that area always brings a smile to the face. Nice scenery, little elevation change, motorists who seem to respect cyclists, all in all a refreshing change from the fast paced, idiot filled scene in Mobile.



But........with all the great things that come with riding in this area....evil lurks.



The table was set early.



Before the ride started, the ride "leader" assembled the group of 20 or so cyclists into a semi-circular pattern in the parking lot and began his diatribe. The "leader" waxed on...and on... and on... about the "rules" of the ride. No passing, only he or one of his lieutenants would pull at the front, stay behind the person in front of you for the entire ride, etc., etc., etc.



Think David Koresh speaking to the Branch Davidians..........seriously



This all took place after I "had" to sign a release to participate in this group ride........I shit you not.



I was beginning to think that all of this was some kind of cruel hoax that my riding partner had set up ahead of time to try to get inside my head.



But dude was dead ass for real.



A few miles into the ride there was very little chatter among the group. We were riding at a pace that would encourage plenty of friendly banter. But no one said much.



At this point I was thinking I should put in a short solo effort to shake things up in the front of the peleton but just as I was dropping down to the 11 tooth rear cog to start my wind up, I see the "leader" dropping back along the single paceline.



So I put my lead-out on hold and waited to see what's up.



After another few minutes of prodding along at 17 mph I decide to stretch my back. To the uninitiated, taking your hands off the bars and sitting upright might be a daunting task, but for seasoned vets like the guys I roll with it's no biggie.......right?



Uhhhhh.......WRONG.





Unbeknownst to me, Mister ride leader was behind me watching me pull off this gansta move.



Suddenly I hear a tapping noise but I was unsure where it was coming from. Keep in mind that I am still pedaling with my hands removed from the bars. Again I hear this tapping noise. Again I am unsure where it is coming from. Then I hear Mr. ride leader proclaim, "I am not going to tell you again" as he rides up to me. Turns out Mr. ride leader was tapping his handlebars at me in some crude attempt to get me to rejoin my hands to the bars. Of course I don't see him when he is doing this tapping and only realize what he is talking about when he tells me to "stop riding like that or go to the back of the line."



And this guy is not joking. So I mouth off something like , "dude.....are you saying I can't stretch my back?" But this tool is on his way to patrol the front of the group so he doesn't say anything else.



Of course I am thinking that this is all some kind of joke so I turned to my buddy behind me and he seems genuinely miffed as well. So the only thing I can gather from all of this is the guy was as serious as a case of crabs in kindergarten.



I should have known. All signs pointed to a dysfunctional ride from the very beginning.



So, the next time you are in Destin and find yourself in the middle of a group ride where 90% of the participants are wearing the same shops kits and are riding either cannondale's or orbea's...........you have officially entered the twilight zone.



You have been warned.

Moron's on the Move

I could pen a novel about some of the local cyclists who have not a clue about how to ride in a group.

In all honesty….most of the time when you politely point out that a cyclist is dumbing up the peleton with bat-shit stupid moves, the guilty party will get the hint and stop.

Unfortunately, we have a local cyclist who has been pulling the same moves for years. And continues to do so on an almost daily basis.

The moves in question?????
Ripping down the 30 mph downhill start of the group ride in the oncoming traffic lane……..
Trying to hang on the front when the pace gets fresh…creating a huge gap……….
Finishes his pull and drifts back so slow he screws the double pace line up………
Or when finishing his pull he drifts into oncoming traffic…..
Riding the brakes, squirreling out, shitty handling skillz, basically a moron on wheels…..
Darting in and out of a paceline like he is a former world champ….

So you may ask, why don’t you just say something to him??????

Good question……and the answer is…..we’ve been saying something to him for 5 or 6 years……that’s right…….YEARS!

This guys has been cussed at more than the Nick Saban welcoming committee in Baton Rouge.…..and I’m talking about DURING the ride!

His stock response you may ask? “Oh….ok…..my bad.”

But it does not work. So, I am asking, what would YOU do about it??????? Inquiring minds want to know.

Until next time......muerte de arriba

Dude.......JUST DON'T DO IT

As I was serving Beluga to the t-shirts this morning (translated....spraying chunks of my Vittoria Pave EVO CG tubular tires in sizes that resemble the popular caviar) and dropping them faster than the faculty reduction at Bishop State, I noticed something that alarmed me greatly.


I can think of no other sport as rich in tradition as cycling. Yeah....technology has it's place in cycling as everyone likes the latest titanium do-dads and/or carbon bits to bling out their ride. I'm down with that aspect. It is give and take in my opinion.


But DON'T ride up to me in white/silver/green/red/blue shorts/bibs without a BLACK front panel.


I am not interested in your sausage smuggling.


I will question your manhood. And don't tell me you don't like black because it's too hot. Black keeps the boyz warm and toasty, even in the summer. If you don't wear black up front, you are a cancer to the peleton and should be served up buffet style to whatever you consider un-holy.


I don't not want to see your bits....period.....if you want to wear that gear, take up male gymnastics.


Until next time......muerte de arriba

carnage on the trail

I suppose it happens from time to time.

As the rapidly increasing local pelton reached roughly 40 riders today (tdf inspired...of course) we had a surface sample take place.

Unbelievably, the accident was not caused by some rabid wanker who refuses to honor the steadfast rules of the peleton ( i will address that issue in a later blog).

It unfolded like this.....as the peleton motored along at a reasonable 20-21 mph pace I hear, "glass"....."hubcap" (hubcap??)....."BRICK". Yeah I said brick. As I motor by I see the brick and point to the brick. Then the surreal sound that makes your rectum pucker....... BLAM...like a water ballon hitting a weed eater. Dude on the tarmac, and it sounded bad. So bad in fact I hesitated to go back and check on the poor dude.

After a few minutes of discussion and figuring out who to blame......cuz we roll like that.....It was determined that it was just one of those crazy things that happen. Dude survived and remounted his steed.....some road rash and a busted computer....but otherwise no worse for wear.

The rest of the ride was incident free (except the the normal wankers that half wheel and yo-yo).....but non eventful none the less.

Until next time......muerte de arriba

wtf.....30 mph on friggin Monday's?????

Ok...a little background here.....Mondays are historically a "bleed the toxins off your liver" day. You know, a leisurely spin downtown and back...nothing very serious.
Until McEwen jr. and his funky bunch show up and blows the ride up OUT OF THE FRIGGIN PARKING LOT!

I mean come on.....rocket boy goes off the front and then the rest of the merry mates start bobbin and weaving behind him like they were in the ring with Mike Tyson when he wore black socks. I thought Tues. mornings were created for that kind of spunk spurtin'.

O well.....i guess tour time brings out the yahoo's who think they can roll 24/7 like Boonen and Rasmussen.